Alright, so this isn’t necessarily retro, but it is an odd film, and one of the first I ever laid eyes on when I began consciously searching out the weird. Sure, I spent many a night listening to Joe Bob Briggs number knockers like Sesame Street’s Count, but I was 12 back then and wasn’t concerned with the weird factor in films. In retrospect, hindsight is 20/20, and I’m starting to think that I need to thank boobs for introducing me to the world of bizarro.
Killer Condom is the tale of a homosexual detective named Mackeroni who is hot on the trail of a killer, and like most paranormal killers from low-budget films, this killer is rubber, has crudely-rendered sharp teeth, and moves in ways that only an inanimate object tugged at by strings could move, but it doesn’t detract from the quality of the film, because anyone who could swallow the idea of a living being rendered to look like rubbers probably won’t give a shit about terrible special effects anyway. So fuck it.
While the concept is interesting, the idea of a condom that kills people by severing their penis is a little shortsighted. John Wayne Bobbit can testify to the fact that, even with blood thinned from alcohol, it takes a hell of a long time to bleed out from losing one’s genitals. Of course, it does tap into one of man’s greatest fears: losing one of the most vulnerable and insignificant parts of their bodies that generates the greatest source of pride. So while the film at times defies logic, on some level it makes perfect sense.
Throughout the course of the film viewers are introduced to urophilia, fisting, and a broad range of sexual fetishes that we never could have hoped to learn about from Joe Bob Briggs during our childhood years. And that, my friends, is why this is a classic.
It is also important because the film features a strong homosexual protagonist. In Boondock Saints we had a detective who challenged the conventional notions of homosexuality in a very similar way, but Killer Condom’s story revolves around this hard-boiled homosexual, his love affairs, and his need to delve into a religious conspiracy that cost him one of his testicles.
If the idea of a killer condom throws you off, there have been documented incidents in which death by condom occurs. Allegedly, a man named Gary Ashbrook suffocated after putting a condom over his entire head. Additionally, there is a female condom very similar to the the killer condom, known as the Rape Axe Condom, which features tiny saw-like protrusions inside the condom intended to hurt your member during intercourse. The condom was allegedly produced to inhibit rapists, and for all I know it could be ficitonal, but you can find pictures of the Rape Axe online.
Watch the trailer, below: