Signs of the Inanimal Revolution

It’s been a long time. Hope everyone is doing good, except people who slip on my page by searching for underage porn. You bastards can rot in hell.

So last month I asked people to send pictures of their furniture reading Uncle Sam’s Carnival of Copulating Inanimals. Here are some of the highlights:

This first one comes from my pal Amy over at JournalStone Publishing. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on. It’s clear the lamp is reading USCoCI, but the bottle of lotion . . . is it being read to, or is the lamp going to baste itself and try to sodomize an electrical outlet? Negotiating the dynamic in objectophilia porn is so hard.

A Butch Walker CD rests on the table as well, perched open as if it is about to applaud the public reading. The picture depicts a varied audience present for the performance.



The next picture comes from Brett, one of my former neighbors who I met and became friends with through my sister. I remember playing guitar with him in a bar room turned back porch. We had good times, and wild shit was always happening. But nothing like this ever went down:

You can tell the top couch is a veteran in the field of inanimal porn. That stain near the front leg says it all.

I like the hat, a nod to Ignatius. Did I mention his hat in the book? I always visualized him with one, but I left a lot of details out of the book unfortunately.





The next picture comes from Charlie over at Bitsy Bling Book Reviews. This was the first photo I acquired, and another one of my favorites. A Roomba reading my book on the toilet: instant classic.

I’m going to share what she said about the photo instead of adding my own commentary:

For Mother’s Day I got an irobot vacuum.  It is by far the best and most amazing piece of technology (maybe better than my MAC) that I own.  I think I actually love this machine.  It vacuums the entire house and then when it’s finished finds the charger.  I decided instead of me, I’d take a picture of ‘Roomba’ reading your book.  It’s hard to find good help these days.  Probably just a matter of time until I discovered my personal assistant slacking and reading porn!

I’m going to be sharing more photos in the near future. For now I have to get back to work. One more week of classes and then I’m home free!


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